What’s important

The meaning of life came to me in a slow moment of panic. I finally figured out what’s important. The only thing that really matters.

You need someone to care about. And who cares about you. You need someone to worry about, and who worries about you. You need someone to look after when they get sick, as they would look after you when you get sick. You need someone to share your life with. Just having yourself is not enough.

The people you used to care about, worry about, share your life with are gone now. They come to you in dreams, and in that surreal other world you have your life back, only to wake up in the same void of reality. It becomes hard then to get up and face the day without them, without any of them, not one.

There are bloggers out there who despise me for my pitiful — and to them, pitiable — posts about loss and loneliness. One posted a nasty poem about me “bemoaning my fate… boo hoo…” She erased it right after but not before I had read it.

She writes constantly and voluminously about her love for God, and I think what really set her off was when I lamented the continuing absence and silence of God in answer or non-answer to my prayerful entreaties for help. It’s funny how some of the nastiest comments I get are from so-called Christians, who tell me in most unchristian terms what they think of me. She pitied me in my “godless universe” and told me to drown my “sorrow in another glass of wine.”

First of all, let me set the record straight: I do not drink wine — I drink gin and rum and bourbon, so please, madam, do not add insult to injury.

Secondly, take your self-righteous sanctity and shove it.


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14 thoughts on “What’s important

  1. You tell’em buddy! No one has the right to cast judgement, especially some stranger claiming to wield a holier-than-thou self-righteous attitude. — “Let he (she) without sin cast the first stone!” — “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you!” etc, etc, etc! I’ve never even read the bible but know that much at least!

  2. I was not judging ..I was sharing from the perspective of being shut up in that lonely place. I have drowned my sorries in booze but it didn’t work I took the poem down as it felt too hard hearted. Who is judging who?

  3. And to set the record straight I don’t despise you. I don’t despise people. It was you who shared with me that you loathe yourself and a lot of your posts are about suicide or people who were in such despair they could not go on. Two of my sisters have attempted suicide and its no joke to me. But life is precious

  4. I was allowing you to be anonymous in this matter, so it’s quite forthright of you to come forward.

  5. I honestly cared about you what I wrote in that poem was harsh I know but to be honest I’ve lost so much time in grief and looking back maybe it was written mote to myself than to you. I know you go through deep pain and miss loved ones so much. I felt sad at the harder part of me that wrote it. But loss is loss we just have to face it and I firmly believe you are doing that the best way you know how. Am genuinely sorry for any hurt caused.

  6. Thank you, but as they say in New York fuhgeddaboudit. I was probably drunk when I wrote whatever I wrote which I forget and it doesn’t matter now in fact in the ‘big picture’ nothing matters. You are a fervent believer with a positive outlook whose life still means something, I am the direct opposite in every way, that’s the way it goes, it is what it is as the Buddhists say. Good luck and good night.

  7. ”When I lamented the continuing absence and silence of God in answer or non-answer to my prayerful entreaties for help.” You are not the first one to ever speak or write about this. There are quite a few old guys in the Bible who did the same thing. I’m reminded of some of the Psalms of David. I think there’s a good reason that they are right in the middle of the Bible. “How long will you hide your face from me?” comes to mind right away.

  8. Perhaps the conclusion is that even those we look up to as having great faith often felt that God was not listening to them. But I think this is just normal. It’s not a reflection on whether we are “good” or “bad” in God’s eyes. (Though there are some who would try to make us feel that way for expressing doubts and frustrations.)

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