Conversation with my cat


I tape record this with no regrets

My cat has grown weary of my threats

In the weeks since the death of my wife

To take a shotgun and end my life.

Just do it, he says, you’ve got eight more.

Are you nuts! I have one, no encore.

Are you telling me, says this feline,

That the Cat God gave us creatures nine

And your God grants y’all a measly one.

Bet your ass, I say, feeling undone.

Well, well, well, the cat says with a smirk

That must drive you biped dudes berserk,

Humanity’s fate is woebegone

Just one lousy life, the cat goes on

And yet a turtle, say, has no fears

He can crawl and crawl a hundred years,

And you can’t even kill a cockroach!

I am aware I begin to broach.

But then the cat turns to creation:

You believe in reincarnation?

I don’t know, why do you ask me that?

Believe, dude, and come back as a cat.

It’s not up to me you mad crackpot!

Screw it, says the cat, give it a shot,

I’ll personally contact the Cat God

And put in a good word, you ol’ sod.

Go ahead, the cat adds, grab the gun—

Hey, fill my food dish before you’re done.

So I fill the cat’s dish and go backstage

Plug in a shell and grab the 12-gauge—

[Tape abruptly ends]