Conversation with my cat


I tape record this with no regrets

My cat has grown weary of my threats

In the weeks since the death of my wife

To take a shotgun and end my life

Just do it, he says, you’ve got eight more

Are you nuts! I have one, no encore

Are you telling me, says this feline

That the Cat God gave us cool cats nine

And your God grants y’all a measly one

Bet your ass, I say, feeling undone

Well, well, well, the cat says with a smirk

That must drive you biped dudes berserk

Humanity’s fate is woebegone

Just one lousy life, the cat goes on

And yet a turtle, say, has no fears

He can crawl and crawl a hundred years

And you can’t even kill a cockroach

I am aware I begin to broach

But then the cat turns to creation

You believe in reincarnation?

I don’t know, why do you ask me that?

Believe, dude, and come back as a cat

It’s not up to me you mad crackpot

Screw it, says the cat, give it a shot

I’ll personally contact the Cat God

And put in a good word, you ol’ sod

Go ahead, the cat adds, grab the gun

Hey, fill my food dish before you’re done

I fill the cat’s dish and go backstage

Plug in a shell and grab the 12-gauge—

[Tape abruptly ends]

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