Perils of blogging

Blogging is risky business. My last post — about the possibility of an afterlifewas suddenly slapped with a ‘This post is bullshit’ tag. By what or by whom I don’t know. It’s disconcerting to say the least, you feel like you’re walking — or typing — on eggshells. 

There’s a lot worse than walking on eggshells, of course. Like walking barefoot on hot coals, which I think is practiced by certain religions. Or walking barefoot on broken glass. There was quite a bit of walking on broken glass in those old cowboy movie barroom brawls but they were never barefoot. I never saw one cowboy movie where a dude walked barefoot into a barroom brawl. Most of them even died with their boots on. That’s what I’d like to do — it’s more manly than dying in bedroom slippers, or what would be worse, those slip-proof socks they give you in hospital.

I saw a barefoot barroom fight in Florida. One of those coastal town bars where no shoes are required. I remember a Snowbird from Montreal who came down to Florida just to get his feet warm ended up with bloody feet. Nasty business.

That was Florida in the Miami Vice 1980s — great and grisly. My wife had a high paying job as a risk analyst for multi-national companies doing business in dangerous countries, and I was a lowly writer for the Miami Herald.

I was a good reporter, though, but a classic example of Hunter S. Thompson’s definition of a journalist — a “fuckoff and a misfit.” That fit the Bill all right. It’s a miracle to me that my wife stayed with me for thirty years. Until she left the planet to be with the Silver Surfer.

Which explains why I now live alone on a meager fixed income in a hovel in the Lower Hudson Valley with a cat and half a dozen ghosts, not to mention half a dozen spirits contained in bottles labeled gin, rum, vodka, scotch, bourbon, cognac and a couple of others I can’t remember. All of which are getting more expensive every day.

But I manage to get by. I have enough money left over for French baguettes, Brie cheese and caviar. Brie spread on crunchy French bread topped with caviar and accompanied by a vodka martini with green olives. Delicious. And a Brandy Alexander for desert.

When I want a real meal I go to McDonalds and get a Big Mac and those skinny extra salty French fries — still the best fast food meal in the business.

But I digress, where was I? Oh, yeah, the risks of blogging and—Holy crap! There it is. See what I mean! Just out of the blue like that. This is diabolical. I must get to the bottom of it. This evening I will convene a meeting of the six ghosts and seek their advice on this matter. Five o’clock sharp. A wide variety of beverages will be served. Proper attire required. No shoes, no service.


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Silver Surfer Challenges God

 

  Who is best able to handle all the evil and misery in the world?
 
“I have seen men build and destroy. I have seen this world, which could be a paradise, reduced to a planet of greed, fear and hatred, I have seen humanity betrayed. I can stomach no more!” — Silver Surfer

In a surprising announcement today, the Silver Surfer issued an unprecedented challenge to God that would put their awesome powers to the ultimate test.

The Silver Surfer said he will match his powers with those of God to determine which one of them is best suited to handle the out-of-control violence, anger and suffering on Earth and on an infinite number of planets in the universe.

“If the Almighty will dare to reveal Himself,” taunted the Silver Surfer in a message on the galactic social platform Universal Language, “I am prepared to meet him head on in a contest to see who can achieve Total Good on Earth and throughout the Universe.”

SILVER SURFER CHALLENGE
Possible sighting of God (last known image, taken in 1968)

The Silver Surfer, a former humble astronaut from an alien planet, appeared to be speaking out of character by making such a public challenge. Mainstream media slammed it as a “blasphemous and shameless display of grandstanding by an overblown ego.”

The Silver Surfer defended his call to action by saying he can longer abide God’s continuing invisibility and silence in the midst of mounting misery and apocalyptic gloom that afflicts the Cosmos.

If God takes the challenge — which many doubt — He will find out that the Silver Surfer has daunting powers. They include creating life and healing himself and others by recreating damaged cells, traveling at speeds of 500,000 light years in seconds, moving moons and creating black holes — powers that would seem to match those of God.

Silver Surfer challenges God.

For readers who may not know the origin of the Silver Surfer, here’s some background.

ORIGIN OF THE SILVER SURFER

The Silver Surfer was formerly a young astronaut named Norrin Radd who lived on the peaceful planet of Zenn-La. Enter an evil super entity known as Galactus, who gets his energy, his life force by devouring planets.

When Galactus threatened to consume Zenn-La, Norrin Radd made a pact with the galactic monster to save his own planet and his fellow citizens by agreeing to work for Galactus, traveling the universe and finding new planets for him to consume.

WORKED FOR GALACTUS
The Silver Surfer working for Galactus

In exchange for his services Galactus endowed Radd with the Power Cosmic and in the process the former astronaut became the Silver Surfer. With indestructible metallic skin he travels through space on a surfboard-like craft at superluminal speeds.

When the Silver Surfer’s travels took him to Earth he met the Fantastic Four — the Invisible Woman, the Human Torch, Mister Fantastic and the Thing. Galactus was on the verge of consuming Earth when the Fantastic Four influenced the Silver Surfer to rediscover his true self and defy the evil devourer of planets.

AND SILVER SURFER
Silver Surfer with the Fantastic Four

The Silver Surfer thus betrayed Galactus, saved Earth and dedicated himself to fighting evil throughout the cosmos.

We all know what God can do or claims He can do, here’s just some of what the Silver Surfer can do —

SILVER SURFER’S POWERS

  • Incredible speed. He can travel 500,000 light years in seconds! He can also use this speed in short bursts to dodge sudden attacks.
  • Time travel. He can fly at such immeasurable speeds that he shatters the time barrier and can travel to whatever time he chooses.
  • Healing and creating life. He can both heal himself and others, using the power cosmic to repair or recreate damaged cells.
  • Manipulate matter. Using telekinesis he can move objects and can transmute matter by changing atoms and substances from one form to another.
  • Create energy. He can blast his enemies with energy beams and create powerful force fields to protect himself. He can use this power to create black holes.
  • Super strength. His feats have included pushing a moon out of the way and breaking through a magically-charged vibranium wall with his bare hands.
  • Indestructibility. The Silver Surfer’s skin is composed of an impervious metallic substance that can withstand blows from the strongest beings in the universe. It also enables him to surf through stars and withstand the power of supernovas.
  • Cosmic awareness. He is imbued with an understanding of the universe that no human beings could even comprehend.

These are just some of the Silver Surfer’s powers. Full list HERE.

 


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Silver Surfer interview ruffles Jackdaw of Unreason’s feathers

The Jackdaw of Unreason, who we interviewed last week, was hopping mad about a comment made by the Silver Surfer in an exclusive interview with American Daze Purple Haze.

The Jackdaw said he was ridiculed and demeaned, and requested an opportunity to defend his reputation. This second interview with the Jackdaw took place in Central Park.

ADPH: Welcome back, Jackdaw. How was your flight to New York?

TJOU: The sky was empty.

ADPH. This damn Covid. Let’s get straight to it. What did you find offensive in the Silver Surfer interview?

TJOU: Your exclusive guest, the famous, infamous Silver Surfer implied that I was a fool for believing in God and in Heaven.

ADPH: How so?

TJOU: When he said such beliefs were illogical, you said, and I quote: “Our guest last week had a different view of that.” To which the Silver Surfer replied: “Who was your guest last week?” And you said: “The Jackdaw of Unreason.” And that arrogant jerk said: “I think you’ve just answered your own question.”

ADPH: Okay. I see the implication there. So tell me, Jackdaw, what makes you so certain there is a God and a Heaven?

TJOU: My learning and enlightenment. I was raised in the Holy Seed.

ADPH: You mean the Holy See.

TJOU: Huh? The holy see what? The Holy Seed, man! You must know what that is.

ADPH: Pray tell.

TJOU: The Holy Seed of Saskatchewan.

ADPH: Ah, of course. Is that where you studied orni-theology?

TJOU: Indeed. I studied under the Great Loon of the Heavens. 

ADPH: Are you referring to the loonie bird of Canada?

TJOU: Please — we don’t use the word loonieHe was the most revered Being in Western Canada.

ADPH: Was?

TJOU: You must have read about it.

ADPH: We don’t get much news from Saskatchewan here.

TJOU: He was shot out of the sky by hunters.

ADPH: Oh my god!

TJOU: Precisely. He fell to earth. Assassinated. And then the bastards from hell plucked Him clean and roasted Him over a campfire — and then they — oh, the horror — ate Him.

ADPH: Jeez, that’s awful.

TJOU: And they washed Him down with Moosehead beer.

ADPH: Shocking! A bird like that deserves a fine Sauvignon Blanc.

TJOU: Huh? [The Jackdaw is suddenly overcome with emotion] Oh, God, the sheer memory of it renders me too distraught to continue. I have to leave.

ADPH: Flying back so soon?

TJOU: Yes, yes, I must be off.

ADPH: Well, thanks for dropping by — and, hey, watch out for those hunters out there.


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