The meaning of life came to me in a slow moment of panic. I finally figured out what’s important. The only thing that really matters. You need someone to care about.
HE EVEN DENIES CREATING ‘MONSTER’ BILLIONAIRE
The Heavenly Father is said to be furious with Gates over his plan to spray chemicals into the stratosphere in a cockamamie scheme to reduce the Sun’s rays and cool the earth.
Gates wants hundreds of aircraft to fly millions of tons of ‘calcium carbonate’ twelve miles above the Earth and release them, theoretically reflecting some of the Sun’s heat back into space. But sane scientists say solar geoengineering would wreak havoc on human DNA and cause a global pandemic of cancers.
UPDATE, April 2: God, cleverly disguised as Sweden’s government, under pressure from reindeer herders, has backed off from conducting this mad science experiment, handing Gates a major defeat in his quest for global extermination.
When God heard about Gates’ diabolical plan, He felt compelled to speak out after thousands of years of silence.
God even went as far as saying He did not create such a “monster” as Gates, according to a source associated with a seraphim in the celestial hierarchy who is close to an archangel familiar with the situation who received information from a secret spirit close to the Lord.
“Gates must be from an alien kingdom because God had nothing to do with his fiendish presence on Earth,” the source said, quoting the seraphim who claims to have overheard a conversation between the archangel and the secret spirit who has indirect access to God through an intermediary in the celestial hierarchy.
A HELLISH FATE AWAITS
When told that Gates and the Swedish Space Corporation intend to put the plan to an initial test in June, the source associated with the seraphim in the celestial hierarchy etc etc, was quoted by a messenger of God who relayed information from the secret spirit who is said to have heard the words directly from God, as saying, “Whosoever shall interfere with any of my cosmic creations shall be cast into an eternal hell ten million times hotter than the Sun.”*
The messenger of God who relayed word from the secret spirit and so on and so forth, said it was clear that God was referring to Gates and Sweden.
The messenger of God added that the Almighty Father has no time for obscenely rich alien creatures who wish to play God and who have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever entering the Kingdom of Heaven, and warned that the Lord has a fierce proprietorship over the Sun, which He regards as one of his better smaller creations and that anyone who tries to meddle with the intricate balance of science and mathematics inherent in his original solar engineering will sorely regret it.
Yo, Gates! Be warned.
*Editor’s note: Since the temperature at the center of the Sun is 27 million degrees Fahrenheit (15 million degrees Celsius), Gates’ and Sweden’s hellfire fate would be 27,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 degrees Fahrenheit (and whatever that is in Celsius).
This suicide happened in Hong Kong, and it’s happening in America every 12 minutes.
Depression afflicts 25 percent of all Americans and suicide becomes the only way out for 45,000 sufferers every year.
The suicide in Hong Kong hits home with every American battling depression.
A Chinese American holding her five-month-old daughter in her arms jumped from her penthouse, killing them both.
Lili Luo, 34, a single mother, and her daughter, Aier, were pronounced dead at the scene.
The socially prominent young woman was the only daughter of a Chinese real estate tycoon and mingled with famous people such as Hillary Clinton and British pop singer Rita Ora.
Her suicide is difficult to understand in light of a message she posted on social media two months ago:
It is Aier’s 100th day for being in our World. She is God’s way to give me perspective on life. Thank you for showing up in my life my beloved daughter.
As popular blogger M. Taggart commented on an article I posted this week on suicides in New York: ‘Why do you think this is happening?’
In my unprofessional and inadequate attempt to try and answer the question, I replied: ‘I think that Covid, which is killing 12,000 people in the world every day — equivalent to four 9/11 attacks every day! — has made death more of a reality than it ever was, especially among young people. There is a dreadful sense of fatalism in the world — a world more of despair than hope. Young people with their whole lives ahead of them commit suicide rather than face isolation and loneliness. The pain-free peace of death becomes preferable to the hell and fear of life.’
In the case of Lili Luo, who had a beautiful five-month-old daughter whom she thanked God for, it is almost impossible to understand.
TAKE-OUT BE GONE
For years, when my wife and I lived in Miami and made good money, we ate in restaurants three or four nights a week. Dining out was a way of life. The nights we didn’t eat out, my wife would cook, and she made some good dishes.
For the past two years with my wife gone and living alone, I have survived on take-out, and prepared and frozen foods from the grocery store.
But amid the scourge of Covid I now eschew (interesting word eschew and very appropriate in this context) buying food prepared by other hands and have taken up cooking.
Since I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, my cooking attempts are traumatic experiences in experimentation, frequently with dire results such as godawful messes from spilled pots and moments of terror from stovetop grease fires. Not to mention inedible food.
I’m not a complete dunce. I do know how to make basic meals, like bacon and eggs, grilled steak and tomatoes, spaghetti and a few others. But my linguine and clam sauce was seriously unsuccessful.
MYSTERY OF THE SPICE RACK
Yesterday I made a big pot of chili with ground beef, onion, canned tomatoes and red kidney beans — a fairly easy meal but uncharted territory for me. I added the mandatory packet of McCormick’s chili seasoning mix, and salt and pepper, but the chili still turned out bland. Next time I will add other ingredients to spice it up.
My wife’s spice rack is still in the kitchen and full of wonderfully mysterious ingredients, from which she knew precisely which ones to use for each dish. I don’t know basil from rosemary (I did know a Rosemary once but that’s another story).
One day I will write my own version of that wonderful book ‘The Joy of Cooking’ — my wife’s Bible in the kitchen. When I first set out on this treacherous road, I would have called my version ‘The Hell of Cooking.’
But now, as I boldly continue down this road, such a title would not apply. I have found that this cooking racket is good for the soul, especially in this age of isolation. And since I often invoke God’s name — as in, Oh, God, I hope this turns out all right — I’ll call it ‘Sous-chef to God.’