Susan died going on two years now and she’s still dead.
I have it on reasonably reliable authority that she will be dead forever. That’s a long time. I can’t wait that long. Who could? It’s an unreasonable demand.
I would give my left eye to have her back — wait, I can’t give that, I already gave that in battle. Okay, I’d give my left arm to have her back.
Since, according to those same reliable sources, that also is impossible, I keep a bullet in the chamber for when the time comes.
Having a gun on hand with a bullet in the chamber is a good deterrent, at least in the short term, against suicide. Knowing you can take the gun and press the barrel to your head at any time forestalls the action.
Until it doesn’t.
As the German philosopher Friederich Nietzsche wrote: “The thought of suicide is a great source of comfort; with it a calm passage is to be made across many a bad night.”
For those who don’t like to be tempted, there’s this:
WorldWideWeb artisan N., an ethereal friend to countless many social networkers, who goes by the handle outosego (https://outosego.com) made this video for me. It’s beautiful.