“Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream.”
The pain in my gut has gone for now, probably because I ate and drank as little as possible today — well, I still had a goodly pint.
Tomorrow, instead of hanging myself from a sturdy hook at the top of the door frame,
I will go to the plant shop and buy sunflower seeds and grow sunflowers for Susan. They will grow tall and beautiful. The ground may still be too hard. I will see. But I will buy the seeds and wait…
Spring begins in my neck of the woods at 5:58 pm on Wednesday and on that occasion, instead of continuing to drown in a sorrow of tears, I will go to the garden shop and buy sunflower seeds which I will plant as a memorial to Susan, who loved sunflowers.
I think the ground will be thawed enough to plant the seeds, but if not quite yet, I will wait…
This wonderful idea came to me in a dream last night — maybe Susan put it there. As Euripides wrote 25 centuries ago: “Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream.”