The Jackdaw of Unreason, who we interviewed last week, was hopping mad about a comment made by the Silver Surfer in an exclusive interview with American Daze Purple Haze. The Jackdaw said he was ridiculed and demeaned, and requested an opportunity to defend his reputation. This second interview with the Jackdaw took place in Central Park.
ADPH: Welcome back, Jackdaw. How was your flight to New York?
TJOU: The sky was empty.
ADPH. This damn Covid. Let’s get straight to it. What did you find offensive in the Silver Surfer interview?
TJOU: Your exclusive guest, the famous, infamous Silver Surfer implied that I was a fool for believing in God and in Heaven.
ADPH: How so?
TJOU: When he said such beliefs were illogical, you said, and I quote: “Our guest last week had a different view of that.” To which the Silver Surfer replied: “Who was your guest last week?” And you said: “The Jackdaw of Unreason.” And that arrogant jerk said: “I think you’ve just answered your own question.”
ADPH: Okay. I see the implication there. So tell me, Jackdaw, what makes you so certain there is a God and a Heaven?
TJOU: My learning and enlightenment. I was raised in the Holy Seed.
ADPH: You mean the Holy See.
TJOU: Huh? The holy see what? The Holy Seed, man! You must know what that is.
ADPH: Pray tell.
TJOU: The Holy Seed of Saskatchewan.
ADPH: Ah, of course. Is that where you studied orni-theology?
TJOU: Indeed. I studied under the Great Loon of the Heavens.
ADPH: Are you referring to the loonie bird of Canada?
TJOU: Please — we don’t use the word loonie. He was the most revered Being in Western Canada.
TJOU: You must have read about it.
ADPH: We don’t get much news from Saskatchewan here.
TJOU: He was shot out of the sky by hunters.
ADPH: Oh my god!
TJOU: Precisely. He fell to earth. Assassinated. And then the bastards from hell plucked Him clean and roasted Him over a campfire — and then they — oh, the horror — ate Him.
ADPH: Jeez, that’s awful.
TJOU: And they washed Him down with Moosehead beer.
ADPH: Shocking! A bird like that deserves a fine Sauvignon Blanc.
TJOU: Huh? [The Jackdaw is suddenly overcome with emotion] Oh, God, the sheer memory of it renders me too distraught to continue. I have to leave.
ADPH: Flying back so soon?
TJOU: Yes, yes, I must be off.
ADPH: Well, thanks for dropping by — and, hey, watch out for those hunters out there.