In his book ‘A Grief Observed’ the great Christian poet C.S. Lewis, after the death of his beloved wife, referred to God as the “Cosmic Sadist.”
“So this is what God’s really like,” he wrote. “Deceive yourself no longer.”
He was playing the devil’s advocate; his Christian faith remained intact. But for wannabe Christians already on shaky ground, it’s a strong argument against a “loving God” — as all the horrors committed against mankind, from (just in recent history) the holocaust to 9/11.
Every night I cry for my wife, who died four days before Christmas, and I hear myself saying, “Oh God, help me!” And then I realize that is such a pointless cry for help.
Even Lewis admitted, “God seems to be absent at our greatest need, because he is absent — non-existent.” Even Christ on the cross said, “Why hast though forsaken me?”
Again, Lewis echoes my own cries when he wrote about his dead wife, “I cry out for her, with mad, midnight endearments and entreaties spoken into the empty air.”
So, lesson learned, henceforth I will cease my solitary, tearful entreaties to the dark void of oblivion and drown my midnight cries with that good ol’ cosmic cocktail, booze and Xanax.