God warns Bill Gates: Don’t mess with the Sun


The Heavenly Father is said to be furious with Gates over his plan to spray chemicals into the stratosphere in a cockamamie scheme to reduce the Sun’s rays and cool the earth.


Gates wants hundreds of aircraft to fly millions of tons of ‘calcium carbonate’ twelve miles above the Earth and release them, theoretically reflecting some of the Sun’s heat back into space. But sane scientists say solar geoengineering would wreak havoc on human DNA and cause a global pandemic of cancers.

UPDATE, April 2: God, cleverly disguised as Sweden’s government, under pressure from reindeer herders, has backed off from conducting this mad science experiment, handing Gates a major defeat in his quest for global extermination.

When God heard about Gates’ diabolical plan, He felt compelled to speak out after thousands of years of silence.

God even went as far as saying He did not create such a “monster” as Gates, according to a source associated with a seraphim in the celestial hierarchy who is close to an archangel familiar with the situation who received information from a secret spirit close to the Lord.

“Gates must be from an alien kingdom because God had nothing to do with his fiendish presence on Earth,” the source said, quoting the seraphim who claims to have overheard a conversation between the archangel and the secret spirit who has indirect access to God through an intermediary in the celestial hierarchy.


When told that Gates and the Swedish Space Corporation intend to put the plan to an initial test in June, the source associated with the seraphim in the celestial hierarchy etc etc, was quoted by a messenger of God who relayed information from the secret spirit who is said to have heard the words directly from God, as saying, “Whosoever shall interfere with any of my cosmic creations shall be cast into an eternal hell ten million times hotter than the Sun.”*

The messenger of God who relayed word from the secret spirit and so on and so forth, said it was clear that God was referring to Gates and Sweden.

The messenger of God added that the Almighty Father has no time for obscenely rich alien creatures who wish to play God and who have a snowball’s chance in hell of ever entering the Kingdom of Heaven, and warned that the Lord has a fierce proprietorship over the Sun, which He regards as one of his better smaller creations and that anyone who tries to meddle with the intricate balance of science and mathematics inherent in his original solar engineering will sorely regret it.

Yo, Gates! Be warned.


*Editor’s note: Since the temperature at the center of the Sun is 27 million degrees Fahrenheit (15 million degrees Celsius), Gates’ and Sweden’s hellfire fate would be 27,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,00,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 degrees Fahrenheit (and whatever that is in Celsius).

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