Genesis of the Jackdaw

The Jackdaw of Unreason Moves in Mysterious Ways

1 ¹Elmore Mich saw the light and it was black. ²And he said, Let there be light. ³And God said, Fuckoff.

2 ¹Undeterred, Elmore sought enlightenment in the depths of a fifth of Scotch. ²And he drank the fifth at the Firth of Forth. ³And on the fifth day he created the Jackdaw of Unreason.

3 ¹The Jackdaw of Unreason was imbued with the spirit of God. ²Because God and Heaven cannot be reached through reason. ³Only unreason.

4 ¹And Elmore saw that it was good. ²And he blessed the Jackdaw, saying, Be fruitful and multiply. ³And the Jackdaw lay 2.38 million eggs throughout the world and called them Christians.

5 ¹Elmore castigated the Jackdaw for over-laying, and called him unclean and detestable. ²Upon hearing that, the Jackdaw flew to the very edge of Heaven. ³And from that great height and with pinpoint accuracy crapped on Elmore’s head.


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‘If God is dead who identified the deceased?’

The great Pastor Lockridge.

The power and the humor of the great pastor S.M. Lockridge was a life-changing experience for many people.

The great Pastor Lockridge.Pastor Lockridge preached at Calvary Baptist Church in San Diego from 1953 to 1993. He was a dynamic spokesman for God until the day he died in 2000 at the age of 87.

If ministers still preached with the force and the resonance of Pastor Lockridge, the churches would be overflowing.

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‘Dropkick me Jesus through the goal posts of life’

Two Christians I know have two different approaches to religion, two different heroes.

One loves Jesus Christ more than life itself and hardly ever mentions the word God. The other talks about God all the time. She thanks God for everything good that happens in her life, but she hardly ever mentions Jesus and doesn’t seem to know much about his life.

The Jesus lover makes more sense to me in that she loves a person who actually existed. The God lover, on the other hand, worships an entity that is a total mystery. This God is credited with creating the universe, and in fact, as a matter of detail, the earth itself, and the human beings upon it.

Jesus didn’t do any of that. He was, by all accounts, an extraordinary individual whose fundamental rule was to do unto others as you would have them do unto you. In other words, treat people, all people, right and be a good and decent human being.

COOL HAND CHRIST

Jesus is claimed to have done more than just be a decent guy, of course. He cured the sick with the touch of his hand, restored sight to the blind, and other rather comparatively mundane tricks like turn water into wine, and — well, this one stretches the imagination — walk on water.

Be that as it may (I do love that phrase, such a handy segue), there are two idols in the Christian church — God and Jesus — often, perhaps mostly, thought of as one, but really they are not. They may represent the same ideals of goodness and Godness, and convey the same message of everlasting life, but judging by my two Christian friends, each has his own following.

Jesus, whether he was actually the son of God or not, preached the word of God, but with or without that evangel, the premise is that God would exist anyway. To the God lover, God is the center of life; to the Jesus lover, Jesus was the bravest and coolest guy who ever lived.

In the end, if you’re a believer, it doesn’t really matter. In football terms, it’s like separating the MVP from the winning team. All that matters, to quote Bobby Bare’s country song, is that you make it through “them righteous uprights.”


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