How do you get through the first anniversary of the death of your wife, your life companion?
You can’t be with friends who knew her, and celebrate her life together because none of them lives nearby.
So, since you’ll be alone, do you tough it out and re-live the good times in your mind and get good and drunk in the process?
Do you try and ignore it and pretend it’s just another day in the 365 days of sorrow and loneliness that preceded it?
Or do you decide to handle it with poetic tragedy and on the day of her death fire a bullet into your brain?
The day looms in your mind as a personal doomsday that could “turn” either way.
I say “turn” because “anniversary” is from the Latin words annus for year and versus, past particle of vertere meaning “to turn.”
Drawing from another etymological tidbit, the Old English word for anniversary is mynddæg, which means “mind-day.”
Which brings one back to dealing with the day by reliving the good times in your mind, drinking to her memory and so forth. That would clearly be a “mind-day.”
Trying to ignore the day just wouldn’t work. So it seems the two choices are to end the loss and the sorrow once and for all, or to get out the Jack Daniels and deal with the loss and the sorrow by making it a mind-day.
I say let’s be a gentleman about this.
9 thoughts on “Anniversary of death looms like doomsday”
It fills my heart with sadness and worry to read this… I hope you find a way to ‘tough it out’… the other alternative is much too final. Maybe it’s a good time to travel somewhere to be with family, even if they’re far away…. take care, friend.
Rachel, you are a good soul, don’t worry. I can’t travel at this time. I’ll end up with Jack! No worries.
Mich, Mich, Mich; I have had to ask myself many times now; What would Susan be happy watching me do? Starving myself to death, or making the time to donate all that money I had saved up^ for her to live on, after I was gone? If you decide to “End It All”, think first of all the good you could have accomplished in you Lady Susan’s name…..That is what I decided to do: Do some Good In my Lady Susan’s name…..I would like to think She would be Proud of me, for doing the “Right Thing” That, is things I have done to HONOR HER MEMORY! If you were as close to each other, as my Lady and I were, she may be passed on; yet she is still there, as long as I live, forever in my memory, and I only want for Her to be Proud of Her Old Man! That he Honored Her Memory, by continuing to be the Best Man at the Wedding; The Groom, so to speak……Listen to me, Brother, and Listen Good; If you do away with Yourself, you will never be allowed to rejoin your Lady Love……Why would she desire a man who gives his life up^ for no good reason? Rather than the Man of Courage, who keeps on going, in spite of a Great Loss? Bite that bullet, if you feel you must, but remember Brother, you will not meet your Lady Love in the Here-After…….She will be lost to you, forever…….Love, Your Brother George…..
When I lost my wife 3 1/2 years ago I knew that sitting around brooding would be the worst thing I could do. The support group at Hospice and the wonderful friends that I made there along with my 2 awesome daughters made all the difference. Since you don’t have any family close by, get in one of those big silver things and go visit the people you feel would provide the love and support to get you through this tough time. And, remember that I’m all of 15 minutes from you. All you need do is give me a call and we’ll get together. The holidays are an especially tough time for many of us. I know for sure they are for me. Your friend, Steve
“Man of Courage” — yes, of course, that is what she would want. You speak wise words, my Northern Brother. Thank you.
Steverino, you’re a good friend. Thanks.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.