The pain in my gut has gone for now, probably because I ate and drank as little as possible today.
Tomorrow, instead of hanging myself with a leather belt from a sturdy hook at the top of the door frame
I will go to the plant shop and buy sunflower seeds and grow sunflowers for Susan.
They will grow tall and beautiful.
The ground may still be too hard.
I will see.
But I will buy the seeds
Spring begins in my neck of the woods at 5:58 pm on Wednesday and on that occasion, instead of continuing to drown in a sorrow of tears, I will go to the garden shop and buy sunflower seeds which I will plant
as a memorial to Susan, who loved sunflowers (who doesn’t?)
I think the ground will be thawed enough to plant the seeds, but if not quite yet, I will wait…
This wonderful idea came to me in a dream last night — maybe Susan put it there. As Euripides wrote 25 centuries ago: “Come back. Even as a shadow, even as a dream.”